growing up

I reconnected with an old friend the other day and in conversation he shared that he hated being a grown up. Turns out that's not the whole truth, he just misses youth...the days of blissful ignorance, dare devil dreams, endless possibilities and adventure. Children tend to fantasize about adulthood, thinking it merely signifies freedom. Freedom from parents and their boundaries, teachers and their rules...etc. What the mind of a child fails to grasp is the responsibility that comes with it and for some of us it can be quite disappointing. Me I like being in charge of my life, I have a healthy respect for responsibility and I would never ever wish to return to yesteryear. If you happen to know me or have read my thoughts consistently then that should not surprise you what might however is that I believe that I have failed. I have spent every moment of my life catering to paving someone else's path, making sure that one person or another is o.k. or something to that effect and though for the most part I love these people whole heartedly, it's become apparent that I have lost myself along the way. If I had to guess, then I would say, that is the risk one takes when they look back ie reconnect with old friends. In doing so they are forced to see the dreams of their youth and to ponder which if any have come to fruition. The thing is, if none of them have, one has to wonder why. Life in my opinion is nothing more than a maze of winding roads, some with bold signs others with none. It is through a series of choices that one finds their way to wherever they end up and the only catch is; there is no turning back. Once you enter a path, you simply must complete the journey, yet it is all meant for us to learn and grow. The thing that worries me is I may have learned / learnt but I have not applied that knowledge to ensure growth. Try not to misunderstand, success in terms of wealth and status is not the growth I speak of. I am humble enough to not be swayed by the material, it is the emotional aspect of growth to which I refer. The sense of true accomplishment, much like the one you get from quietly doing a good deed. I seem, to my dismay, have stalled like an old and worn down car. Needless to say, now I wonder if I am simply out of time...though the fat lady hasn't started to sing I distinctly hear her humming.

D.V.

End of this rope...

Have you ever undertaken a task that you thought would be, well, simple and found many moons via blood, sweat and tears that it was anything but? If you have then I would like to request permission to officially join your club. Apparently I have lost the proverbial race with that pesky tortoise, for it took almost 15 years of my life to figure it out. Now that I have, what will I do you may ask, to that I shall respond in the only way appropriate...RUN! I shall pack up in the face of defeat, step into the light of shame and move on for I simply have no more fight... I am not usually one to give up but what else can I do. The situation brings to mind that old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink" this horse is as stubborn as his distant cousin, God's will be done!

D.V
9.20. 2010.

perspective...

I drove to the drive through against my better judgement, I do not like junk food. Still the little voice that reasoned so well from the back seat convinced me to, so I did. I listened to the ramble that I never understand which I assume is their way of convincing customers to spend more money than they intend to. I then placed my simple order, 2 items, no frills, no extras, just two things...easy right? I followed the instructions, made the payment, got the receipt and waited for my order. A smiling woman handed me a bag, which I do not check and proceed to drive off...as I pull away she yells out the window "your drink" to which I respond " I did not order one" that was red flag I couldn't ignore, so I checked the bag. Needless to say I got someone elses order, strangely enough, I wasn't angry, a bit put out, but not angry. I calmly found a spot, parked, explained the situation to the small passenger and we walked in to explain the mix up. I wasn't even at the counter and the smiling Lady caught my eye, arm out stretched with my order, she immediate apologized and said I should keep the wrong order on them. I thanked her, took my order and headed back to the truck when the little passenger said "that's nice, now you have something too" I couldn't help but smile, isn't it wonderful how children see the positive side of things.

D.V.
September 14, 2010.

Virgo

This is the time of year that has me spinning, so many birthdays, so little organization. It doesn't matter how much I try to prepare I never seem to get the wishes out exactly as I would like. Never the less, I love it because these Virgos represent; my dearest friends and family members, people I love with all my heart...not that I don't love the non Virgos. The fact is; these individuals are some of the most beautiful people you could ever hope to meet. They are blunt to a fault, passionate beyond reason, devoted like no other and make no bones about it, they will cut you off in a heart beat if you rub them to wrong way. So I suppose I am fortunate to have so many of these beautiful people to share my life with...Virgos, you just have to love them!

D.V.

Tomorrow...in lieu of today.

Today was a day of old, twisted into the seconds of the clock like so many before it. Should that cause me bliss of contentment or fury of complacency? I am pleased that I have been blessed to take another breath, another dance, another step and yet I am weary of stale air and silent ballrooms. I wonder, does anyone know what I mean? does anyone understand this feeling but I? I fear the hand of God looms above me ready to smite, for I am not joyful or perhaps because I have failed to bury the seed of this marvelous fruit so that it might grow and bloom. Perplexing isn't it? uncertainty is the petri-dish of discontent, the fungi of misery. Shall I push beyond this preponderance and say; tomorrow will be a day unlike the one before it. A gift that shall not remain packaged, tossed in the corner of a dark closet, gathering dust...dare I be so bold as to profess, I this simpleton, who knows too well the mundane, shall venture out into exploration and feast on the secrets of life, the subtle fruit of living. I, mother, wife, woman, shall bloom like no flower before me, shall grab these days of life that remain and breathe as though every breath counted for something greater. Dance as though I ruled the stage, live as though life depended on it...for indeed, life is nothing if not for the pleasure of living.

Deo Volente
August 24, 2010

The quiet storm

Two days of short, heavy, bursts of rain. I can honestly say this is the first time I have ever seen the creek overflow. As I watched the water rise and rush I started to wonder, not about the possibility of flooding but rather about the power of nature. I was pulled in by the sound and the sight of the creeks might and I smiled. If I were a daring woman, I would have stepped in just to see where it would take me, just to feel the power of this creek that for years was calm. I am much like the creek I believe, I have what it takes to power through the pathways of life, to break over the walls that confine me, to rush past the boulders in my way... if only, when the storms of life find me.

DV
August 19, 2010.

Everyone's a critic

I was watching the television and it occurred to me that most commercials are, well, stupid. I don't mean silly, ha ha, I mean pointless, so out there you are left wondering what the point was. Then there are a few works of true talent, as they all should be. The ones that have you laughing, singing along, the ones that catch your attention and leave an impression. That my friend is the difference between throwing something out there and a work of art. Needless to say it all got me thinking, what if I were to critic the endless commercials that seem to rule the world of television...maybe I will, after all, everyone is a critic!

D.V.