growing up

I reconnected with an old friend the other day and in conversation he shared that he hated being a grown up. Turns out that's not the whole truth, he just misses youth...the days of blissful ignorance, dare devil dreams, endless possibilities and adventure. Children tend to fantasize about adulthood, thinking it will merely signifies freedom. Freedom from parents and their boundaries, teachers and their rules...etc. What the mind of a child fails to grasp is the responsibility that comes with and for some of us it can be quite disappointing. Me I like being in charge of my life, I have a healthy respect for responsibility and I would never ever wish to return to yesteryear. If you happen to know me or have read my thoughts consistently then that should not surprise you what might however is that I believe that I have failed. I have spent every moment of my life catering to paving someone elses path, making sure that one person or another is o.k. or something to that effect and though for the most part I love these people whole heartedly, it's become apparent that I have lost myself along the way. If I had to guess, then I would say, that is the risk one takes when they look back ie reconnect with old friends. In doing so they are forced to see the dreams of their youth and to ponder which if any have come to fruition. The thing is, if none of them have, one has to wonder why. Life in my opinion is nothing more than a maze of winding roads, some with bold signs others with none. It is through a series of choices that one finds their way to where ever they end up and the only catch is; there is no turning back. Once you enter a path, you simply must complete the journey, yet it is all meant for us to learn and grow. The thing that worries me is I may have learned / learnt but I have not applied that knowledge to ensure growth. Try not to misunderstand, success in terms of wealth and status is not the growth I speak of. I am humble enough to not be swayed by the material, it is the emotional aspect of growth to which I refer. The sense of true accomplishment, much like the one you get from quietly doing a good deed. I seem, to my dismay, have stalled like an old and worn down car. Needless to say, now I wonder if I am simply out of time...though the fat lady hasn't started to sing I distinctly hear her humming.

D.V.