A thought on "Words"

Poetry is a beautiful thing; it’s the rhythm of music beyond the curve of notes,

the thunder inside the quiet storm that shakes you and wakes you. Yet much like all beautiful things, in the hands of men or women, it can become tainted, even ugly. I recall the childish rhyme “sticks and stones…” and I beg to differ. Though stones and sticks carry the potential of physical harm, words can be just as damaging emotionally. We are layers of skin with a frame of bones but beneath it all lives our soul. A damaged soul can have devastating effects on a seemingly sound body. With that in mind, may I suggest that we who wield the pen or press the keys or merely muse with lips at ease, pause before we do for words have power too.

D.V.
September 5, 2012.

Riches...as I see it

I watched a movie the other night that got me thinking about life. Why is it that humans have a tendency to place so much value on the haves, be it people or material? For me I don’t care about things, never have and I hope I never do. What matters to me are the things money can never buy, the moments that fill life in ways that things never could. Does that make me crazy? I would rather be given a handmade card or a shy attempt at poetry than a diamond ring any day. Once long ago I wake up to find a tiny piece of paper with a mint carefully wrapped inside it on my pillow. The note was from my little sister and all it said was love G. I kept that note for many years. It was one of the best gifts I had ever received…a free scrap of paper and a 5 cent mint. It’s moments like these that I hold dear as the years trickle by for they are the jewels of true riches, priceless and irreplaceable.

 

Deo Volente

September 4, 2012

The return

Before you go any further, this is not a post on an event at some store with a rude or astounding clerk. It's just a simple post saying hi to the vast world of blogging that I have been absent from due to the demise of my computer. Had that been the extent of it, I suppose I would indeed be all smiles but sadly I have lost, yet again, several poems and photos. I wish that these things that are supposed to make my life easier, didn't make such a habit of making my life more stressful. Why can't the great minds of our time come up with a less complex, user friendly computer that didn't catch everything and die at the drop of a dime...then again I probably wouldn't be able to afford it. So I suppose in the mean time my motto will have to be "I get what I pay for"

oh well, it's almost friday
D.V.

Thinking

So here I am again, with a racing mind and weary heart. So many things are happening and I have little control over any of it. Going to church helps, I enjoy the sermons and hymns. Reading the bible helps too, if only for the moment my eyes are fixed on the words. Still I worry, mostly because I am wired that way. I often think of the saying "life is what happens when you're busy planning" I've spent my entire life planning and life is yet to get on the same page :)

Be Well
D.V.

Not crazy, just a little unwell.

Have you ever heard the Matchbox 20 song "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell"? Well that song seems to be the anthem of my existence. In my teens I was called crazy by my peers simply because I chose not to inhibit my true self. These days, firmly planted in adulthood I still feel as if I tow the line that divides the sane and the insane. I have never been like anyone else and mostly I have been proud of that but every once in a while, I have to wonder. For years I have been a stay at home mom because it occurred to me that my children needed me home more than they needed the money being gainfully employed afforded me. Now that they are older and fairly sound on their paths in life, well at least two of them are. I have been trying with every fiber of myself to return to the working world but I couldn't have picked a worse time to do so. There is fierce competition for the most trivial of jobs and my extended absence seems to weigh against me. I feel like my teen self again, straddling the line with deep desperation, bitterly unsure of what to do next. I suppose I am fortunate having made it this far and to gripe about my blessings makes me petty but I am stressing about so much and it all hinges on money. The college journey is about to begin for the older children and where, oh where, shall I find the money to make it so. I can hear you say; they can pay their own way and you may be right. However I did just that and I had hoped to save them the stress of having to do so as well. Then why didn't I plan ahead you ask; I did but as the saying goes, life happens while you're busy planning. looking around I see so many people who are, as I, hanging by a thread and I wonder if they too feel a little unwell...maybe I'm not so different after-all.

K.E-C
7-12-12

wishing you good mental health.

Pray

I know I have said it before but it warrants repeating; some days just need more prayer...

Today I come on bended knees
you know my cares, you know my needs
you see my heart in every beat
all that holds me bitter sweet.
Tis you oh Lord that keeps me up
that fills to overflow my cup
I ask of you this time, this day
guide my steps along the way.
For only you can see beyond...
this storm that blows steadfast and strong.

D.V.
July 30, 2012

Fear (by age)

I find it rather odd that I
once a child of yes! and why...
is stunted now in age
beyond the turn of page.

At 6 I jumped a gully clear
simply challenged by a dare
even though I wasn't sure I'd make it
I took a leap, shed my fear and aced it.

Walls and fences, cleared in pace
and though I never won a race
I simply put one foot before the other
at the countless dismays of my mother

I questioned everything I saw
cleaved through learning with great awe
so wide eyed and passionate indeed
didn't matter if I'd fail or succeed

The thrill I found was from the act
to learn, to play, to be in fact...
more than I was at the start
I held so much promise in my heart.

All the years danced in the dark
I knew I had to be my spark
in darkness I discovered I found peace
a place for my heartaches to release

But now I look upon these hands
that failed to be and understand
long ago they held the key
unlocking doors that set me free

The me that dreamt, that dared to fly
that faced the jump without a sigh
that asked a million questions, why..
me that lived in life, in spite of walls and strife.

Me that never wished for wealth
but held the hand that I was dealt
that walked for miles inside the storm
to feel each raindrop soft and warm

That hiked the mountain in the night
that fought exhaustion and my fright
to see the peak at morning light...
that girl, had spunk and might.

To her the moments had a thought
and every one had to be caught
the seconds turned for reasons true
and beckoned for her just to do

to take a step and make it so
to challenge knowledge, just to know
to run the race and feel the sweat
never running out of breath,
at least until her death...
I wish you could have met.

K E-C
aka Deo Volente
June 29, 2012